When We Hurt Too Much…
Why am I suffering? I know what is causing so much pain, but I just cannot do anything about it. Why do I feel so helpless and how can I free myself from this pain? I want to feel content and happy with myself, but it’s so hard and seems impossible for me to pull myself out of this place of helplessness.
Why do we suffer? Suffering has always existed in the history of mankind. We all know what it is one way or another. It is similar to pain. Do you know anyone who has never experienced pain? Unheard of, as far as I know. But why do we have pain? I am talking about physical pain. Have you ever hammered a nail in the wall and accidentally hammered your finger? Have you ever put your hand on a hot stove? What happens after an incident like this is a normal reaction of being more cautious next time not to hurt ourselves. But why are we made in a way to feel the pain? Could it just be an awareness to protect ourselves against what is not helpful or may even be harmful? When you put pain in this perspective, you realize there is a very good purpose for us to feel pain. It is a protective mechanism and we all need it.
The same concept is true when it comes to emotional pain. I am talking about all of those emotions that feel negative and hurtful. Are they just there to torture us? Have you ever thought about why? I don’t think anything in life is purposeless. What if you were to begin to look at everything as a researcher, wanting to know “why”. Why do we feel emotional pain? Could it be that these emotions show up for a reason? Could they be our guide? I want to invite you to begin to wonder this question and look at your feelings as a guide from now on and ask yourself why am I feeling this negative emotion? What is this feeling trying to tell me?
I will use an example here to help you understand what I mean. I had a friend one time in my life who was very negative. She was always complaining about life circumstances and gossiping about other people. I noticed after a while, I felt really bad after spending time with her. It was not a good feeling. My energy was much lower after spending time with her. I still loved her dearly because she had a really good heart, but that was her norm. It was a norm that had developed into her comfort zone. She didn’t even notice how she was harming herself and keeping herself stuck in life with all her negativity. I then realized she is perfectly okay with not making a change, but I didn’t have to make the choice of exposing myself to her negativity. I immediately realized how much more energy I get from being around positive people who want to improve themselves and make the world a better place; people who actually spend energy on directing their lives to a better place every day instead of gossiping about others or focusing on the negative. My pain and my drained energy after spending time with my friend taught me, I don’t want to be around negative people. I listened to the message and started distancing myself from negative people. Ever since I eliminated negative people from my life, I feel lifted around my friends rather than drained.
Practice the following:
Today, look at things that cause you emotional pain. Sit alone and ask the pain to tell you what it is about, what is it trying to tell you, what changes is it suggesting for you. Listen to the message and write the following in your journal.
- What is the pain you are experiencing?
- What is it telling you?
- What changes do you need to make to free yourself from it?
When you do this exercise be sure to trust the answers instead of thinking too much to find the right answer. The first answer is most of the time the true answer. All you need to do is trust and let the answer guide you.